FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CA—After an extensive search, ONE Distribution is excited to announce that Dave Carnie will be appointed Senior Director of Marketing for both the KR3W and SUPRA brands. Carnie is best known for his role as writer and editor-in-chief of the now defunct, but infamous, Big Brother Skateboarding Magazine (from which the TV show Jackass was born). Carnie has stayed active in skateboarding as a writer and editor for both The Skateboard Mag and King Shit Magazine. In recent years Carnie has dabbled in marketing and advertising, most notably with the 72 and Sunny agency in Culver City.
“We’re really fucking excited to have Dave Carnie on board,” said Matt Fontana, the VP of Global Brands at ONE Distribution. “Dave’s experience and history in skateboarding has been long and obviously very colorful. Not to mention, that motherfucker has authored some of the best fucking action sports press releases EVER.”
Carnie will be overseeing the marketing teams at ONE Distribution, as well as bringing his unique voice and flair for exciting content to the brand’s various media platforms. Carnie’s hiring gives momentum to the brand’s migration into growing strategic structures which enhance key brand assets as the brand expands its relevance into complimentary brand channels allowing the exploitation of brand assets and developing growth potential alongside forecasted brand investment portfolio opportunity equity liquidation branding.
“Fuck,” said ONE founder, Angel Cabada, about the acquisition of Carnie. “Yeah.”
“Fuck dude,” Carnie said about the appointment, “I’m fucking really fucking, like, fuck. But, fuck—butt fuck?—it’s kind of fucking funny because, seriously, I don’t fucking know fucking shit about SUPRA. Aren’t they those fucking moon boots that Justin Bieber kid fucking wears?1 What the fuck?”
Carnie’s list of awards and achievements in the field of writing is long and distinguished. Carnie’s superior writing ability, and hard hitting journalist style, particularly his press release writing skills, was one of the main reasons ONE Distribution sought his talents. Besides being the man that brought us the word “bromance”2 Carnie has long been regarded as a pioneer in the world of action sports press releases ever since he was the first to use the word “penis” in an announcement.
“It was a fucking game changer,” said Scott Bailey, ONE Distribution’s CEO, about the historical action sports press release. “No one had ever dared use that word in an action sports press release before. It was seriously fucking gnarly.”
“Well, it was fucking nothing really,” Carnie said modestly about the landmark moment. “I wasn’t even thinking about it when I wrote the fucking thing, I just thought, ‘This will look really fucking cool,’ you know what I mean? PENIS! I mean, shit, fucking fuck it, who fucking cares?”
|said Bailey. He added,|
“You know, our brands have always been about fucking innovation and fucking progress,” Fontana said. “We came out with the fucking SKYTOP and we were instantly a leader in the fucking footwear industry because of that fucking shit. Now we’re coming out with penises in our press releases. This shit’s fucked up, yo. And with Carnie onboard? Dude can seriously write the fuck out of a fucking press release. We’re stoked to have him in here fucking all this fucking shit the fuck up.”
1 Despite Carnie’s apparent disdain for the young pop star here, he has in fact admitted that, while not a fan, he does respect Bieber. “I thought he was just, whatever, you know, some stupid kid until I saw him on SNL,” Carnie said on the Morrissey message board morrissey-solo.com under his screen name oscillate_wildly666. “I don’t know anything about his music—I’m sure it’s better than Moz? LOL ;) but I appreciated the fat [sic] that he had a good sense of humor and was able to make fun of himself. He’s cute, too. :)”
2 See “Etymology” in the Wikipedia entry for “Bromance.” Whether Carnie invented the word is unclear because he has both apologized for it and insinuated he’s never used it, yet he continues to claim he invented the word. He has denied any connection to “chillaxin’.” “Cmon,” he has said in regard to the latter, “that’s just stupid.”
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About KR3W: Inspired by the filthy streets of Los Angeles, California KR3W was founded in 2002. Since its inception, KR3W has embodied everything we feel is right about skateboard culture - independence, creativity and originality. KR3W’s K Slim Jean simultaneously revolutionized the industry and established KR3W as a brand known for innovation and unique vision. KR3W manufactures a full collection of denim, woven shirts and shorts, outerwear, accessories and footwear for today’s forward-thinker who prefers to always lead and never follow. We work with the most talented skaters, musicians and artists that have contributed their own signature styles to the wide-ranging denim assortment. KR3W features some of the best and most relevant denim cloths, treatments and washes while delivering proprietary cuts and fits at competitive price points. KR3W is sold at better skate shops, denim boutiques and specialty stores worldwide. Filthy KR3W forever.
About SUPRA: Founded in 2006, SUPRA quickly emerged as one of the leading independent footwear brands globally. SUPRA is recognized around the world for its groundbreaking silhouettes, unique combination of materials and dynamic color stories. Originally born from Southern California skateboard culture, SUPRA has been able to remain firmly committed to its roots, while simultaneously branching out to offer compelling and functional products to a much broader international audience.